he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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