John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
