i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
