you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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