If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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