Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
