Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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