Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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