wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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