I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
