What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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