Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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