I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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