hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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