What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
