Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
