So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
