Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
