i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize