Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize