He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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