I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
