when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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