toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
