are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
