I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
