My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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