You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
