He disabled his match.com account in front of me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
