DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
