did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
