what if every blade of grass was a penis?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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