...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
