If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
