I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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