My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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