Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
