I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
