Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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