It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
