I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
