I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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