**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
