I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
