I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
What drink are we having for lunch?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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