We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
