Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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