You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
