she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
