I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
