one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
