from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
ttyl tear gas
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
