Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
