goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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