My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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