I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
