Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
