Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
