I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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