If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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