Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize