When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize