her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
