I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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