We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
