He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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