tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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