I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
bring money and cleavage
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize