my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
