Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
