I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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